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Get this. Someone was stabbed in a movie, but just not any movie, it was Shutter Island. The recent super creepy crazy man thriller with Leo D, which I still need to see, but going by the trailer, it looks pretty crazy. I just found it ridiculously ironic to get stabbed in such a movie. Filled with crazy people, this guy  Landry B, went and stabbed the “victim” with a meat thermometer. A Meat thermometer looks like this, in case you wondered.

So, in he goes, after some complaints and pops the Gangsta Thermometer into the “victim’s” neck. Pretty bad way to get stabbed. Like, I’d prefer to get stabbed in an alley with a proper knife and proper battle, but this… you’re just damn unlucky. Moreover, it’s in a thriller. That’d be like the biggest scare ever. To top it off, the guy is even more gangsta ’cause he wants to become “an air conditioner technician”. Best aspiration ever. Making people cool for a living with my gangsta stabby thermometer. He’s got the whole temperature thing going. At least in jail people will think he’s cool.

(via KTLA)

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I found a funny trend in movies these days, especially those concerning the end of the world. Perhaps you’ve also noticed this, but the best way to explain the end of the world is to use a fruit. This got me wondering, why use a fruit as THE go to end of the world metaphor?

This World End Fruit Metaphor, of WEFM, as I’ll now use it as a cool acronym, recently pranced around in 2012, where the mad science guy explained Earth Crust Displacement by using an orange as a WEFM. Before we went into the movies, I said to my pals, in this movie some guy, perhaps a scientist (usually a scientist) will explain the destruction of Earth using a fruit of some sort. And hark it indeed happened.

The most telling example was used in the movie The Core, where the guy burned an apple with deodorant. This got me wondering, why do they always use fruits? Do they symbolize vulnerability? Are they as juicy as us? They also have cores? Are they just round and they didn’t have tennis balls with them?

I think grocery stores should start moving into the unexplored market of WEFM and use it against their competitors.

I’m just waiting for the next disaster movie to use a pear as their WEFM and make a horrible pun: “Yes, President, things are pretty much pear-shaped from here on out. God bless America”

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I just saw the trailer for the movie, The Fourth Kind, and can’t remember when since I’ve been this creeped out by a trailer. Go check the trailer first and come back to read further.

What immediately struck me was this was supposed to be based on true documented cases. I immediately Googled it. Videos of this magnitude must’ve been more popular by now, but alas to little avail. It seems the movie rides on the same thing The Blair Witch Project did: truth smuth. However, it also begs the question, if those documented clips shown in the movie was acted, why the hell did they have to add Milla Jovovich and other Hollywood actors? The clips freaked me out way more than the “dramatization”.

Why do you think District 9 did so well? It had Sharlto Copley playing Wikus. Yeah yeah, celebrities rake in cash for the movie, but to be honest I’m so over celebrities after I’ve seen District 9. Get more unknowns.

Anyway back to the movie. Aliens freak me out. I still need to see Signs, the movie I’ve been avoiding since it came out. This movie looks even more creepier. I need to go see it, just for the thrill and endless sleepless nights! YAY! I was also wondering, if the fourth kind is “contact” and fifth kind seems to be prolonged contact, what is the sixth kind then!? WIKUS? Becoming one of them!

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Within in the first few minutes of the film I realized South Africans are watching a totally different film to international viewers. The introduction made the apartheid analogy so apparent, almost to extent of parodying the race/class difference. It was even funny the way they stereotyped it. A few black people sat in front of us in the movie and laughed their asses off at the black people complaining about the aliens [I also laughed, mind you]. Guess time has healed the Apartheid wounds, and it’s in fact now funny.

Wikus’ almost stereotypical Guateng-er accent and vibe worked so great in the start of the film. It made his character humble, which worked later in contrast for his yearning to return to normal. When Wikus swore, everyone in the audience laughed most of the times, as it’s probably the most Afrikaans we’ve ever seen in such an international hit (and it’s not with lame accents). It’s the real deal. Some Afrikaans utterances, also would go lost among international viewers: “Fokken doos”, “Voetsek”, “Fokken Bliksem”, “Bring my die fokken gun” etc. It made the movie so much more real. At least the rest of the world now knows how to swear in Afrikaans!

Talking about real, I’ve never been so engrossed and drawn into a movie before. It was amazing. District 9 didn’t waiver on violence and language thus it made it so much more compelling. Seeing Wikus going through his ordeal was a rollercoaster ride to say the least. The fact that you constantly had to switch sides between Christopher (the alien) and Wikus on who’s the hero, also created intrigue.

The aliens’ CGI were superbly mixed in with the environment and one quickly lost concept of their creation. They felt so real. Almost human-like and relatable. The scene where Wikus clobbers Christopher over the head to jump into the escape pod/module with the subsequent interrogation of the army, made me feel so uncomfortable and sad for him. In my mind I was going “don’t hit the alien! Back off you losers!” and after the movie I questioning why I felt this connection to them. They were so human and real that it made me shudder every time they were treated badly. It just makes the apartheid analogy so much more powerful, as the aliens could’ve easily been black people hit on by the police.

There were so many more awesome things in the movie: the weapons (which oddly reminds me so much of Unreal Tournament/Quake), the mix of news broadcasts, the documentary style clips, the open ending, Sharlto Copley, the mothership, the alien language etc. It truly is in my opinion a huge leap forward for South African film and sci-fi films even. Aliens shouldn’t always be “the Other”. I’m going to watch this film again. I’ve even started learning the alien language, that’s how much I liked this film. District 9, although has some unanswered questions and minor plotholes, the fact that it made the experience so real and relatable was a journey I’ve seldom felt in a movie. I still wonder how international viewers see the film, want goeie fok dit was goed.

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The movie was released last week to many international theatres: the response being immensely positive. Reading the updates on Twitter just affirms that this movie is up there among the best, perhaps even a contender for film of the year! Some dude, can’t remember where, compared it to this generation’s 2001: A Space Oddysey.

So here’s the deal: South Africa only gets to see the movie this weekend (22 August). Can someone say unfair? The movie was shot in South Africa and was made by a South African director, using many South African actors. This movie is basically a South African movie (despite the big Peter Jackson producer title looming above), but the irony still remains. I’m getting so hyped for this movie. I wonder what’s the reason for the delay? Why does South Africa only get this movie a week later? Nu Metro or Ster Kinekor to blame?

Perhaps someone thought the movie might insult some apartheid minds, and tested international waters first, so they can pull the movie it if it’s too offensive. Ok, that might be a stretch, but I want an explanation!

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Ok, first off I got to say: “Wow!”. I went into this movie without much expectations. The first movie was great, but it was your average blockbuster. The sequel, in true sequel tradition with its double barrel name, REVENGE OF THE FALLEN (oooooh scary!), impressed me immensely.

When the movie started the first I noticed was the sound. I’m a music and sound junkie, thus it amazed how all those low drones and synthy squeals added so much depth to the robots. I especially liked Bumblebee’s weezy voice and Optimus’ booming deep voice. Those are the things that make these robots unique. Each one had a unique voice, even sometimes ridiculously stereotypical, like the small googly-eyed genius robot who aids Megatron, which had a mad German scientist voice. Even the old fogey, Jetfire, had a Scottish accent. Nevermind the gangsta kids Mudflap and Skids. Some might think it’s silly, and to some extent it is, but it makes the robots so much more human.

They fall straight into a working and viable Uncanny Valley example, where the robots are giving true human traits, yet they’re in fact “aliens”. They even crack jokes, when they’re in trouble. I’ve been reading reviews, and many dislike the humour. I thought it was indeed awkward and inappropriate at times, but it was kept consistent, which made it bearable and acceptable. I laughed a lot of times and the comedic timing was perfect, despite the awkward places (like in a middle of intense battle). It works extremely well with the pace. The movie clocks in at about two and a half hours, but it felt like one rollercoaster ride after the other. The action is intense: like “I just jizzed in my pants, that didn’t just happen” kind of intense. Sometimes however the camera spinning made my eyes hurt and was difficult to keep focus: perhaps maybe ’cause I sat in the second row from the front.

The backstory and motives given for the characters was also handled well. They didn’t drawl on and on, and they cleverly repeated key points to make the viewer understand the story. Ok, yes the thing was a little cheesy: pyramids, Orion’s belt, Eqypt, tombs, but if you were looking for conspiracy theory movies, there’s always National Treasure. However, I liked that Sam’s (Shia) sidekick/roommate was the typical conspiracy theorist maniac. It appealed to my conspiracy freak side. They somehow cleverly satirize those obsessive individuals who seek the truth, but when faced with it, denies it and wants out.

All in all, the graphics was amazing. It totally blew my mind. Some might say it was over-the-top and fell victim to the big budget sequel syndrome, but I loved it. There was never a dull moment in the movie. The mix of comedy, romance, drama and action was superbly handled. I appluad the scriptwriters, directors, actors (Megan Fox was hot!) and animators. A job well done.

In one sentence: OMG! BOOM! HAHAHA! WTF! NO WAY! RUN RUN RUN!

Score: 4/5 – Blockbusters will never top my all-time best movie list, but this one was of the best I’ve seen.

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