I thought I’d make you guys a nice funny picture for this lovely Friday.
Matthew Partridge wins the award for being laziest genius loser ever. Matthew, 27 is trekking the length of Britain, and no, not via foot, or hiking, or bus, or car but… get this: On Google Streetview.
It is kinda paradoxical. He doesn’t want to spend the time to travel, but he still wastes so much time with a “grueling” schedule. Guess he isn’t that lazy? Right?
He forgot to add “12pm: Quick drink with friends at local pub” and “2pm: Wake up, forget to lock the front door”. One day humanity will have to excuse himself for Matthew. The reason he is doing this? And EVEN took time off work: “I can’t be bothered with all the training, planning and hardships of actually doing the walk. That’s why I’ve come up with this alternative.”
Next time I’m deciding to trek a vast distance I’ll pop Matt an email for the tips and “alternatives”. Maybe I’ll just go into space to see the whole Great Wall, ’cause that’s way less effort than actually walking it.
(via TheSun – Yeah, lol no wonder right?)
Recently, I’ve been wondering about catchphrases. Those random quirps (yeah, I just made that up. It’s a mix between quirk and quip) that people spew to indicate some sort awesomery that occured.
COOL & HOT
These two are probably the coolest to use, and probably the most neutral. “That was movie was so cool”. Paris Hilton has also been the forerunner of “HAWT”, the close relative to “HOT”. See you gotta make your quirps your own to ensure longevity.
KIFF & Spiff
Two local quirps that have recently reentered my vocab. Everything these days are either spiff or kiff. For the non-South African peeps, spiff actually originated from “spiffing”. So ain’t that grand.
Viral Quirps
Maybe you’ve noticed, but when some of your friends start using interesting quirps that are super catchy (hence the name catchphrase), you start to mimic them. This is interesting. I once used the word “awesomesauce” and I swear I started it. Then one day some kid from some country town puts it on his Facebook. Quirps travel.
Another interesting quirp I usually used is the construcion “Wicked McNicked” or “Spiff McDiff” or something [word] + Mc[slight variation of word one]. Needles to say, it also caught on among my friends.
Late 80′s, Early 90′s
This was a productive time for quirps. Just listen to these: Gnarly, Radical, Awesome, Right On, Cowabunga, Tubular, Eycarumba.
Recent Trends
For the past month I’ve been quoting stuff from the web a lot. Which in some circles make me the uncool one. I’ve been saying a lot of “Fail” and “Win”. Like when something spiff happens, I say “that was a win” or “this is such a win-win situation”.
What is your quirp? Your weirdest one perhaps?
1) Stay away from dodgy places that might spike your drinks – rather bring your own roofies. You don’t know where those roofies have been. It’s disgusting really. At your parent’s home, would accept roofies from a stranger? No!
2) Don’t go alone, rather go in groups – This way you have plenty of wingpersons to help you out if the going gets tough.
3) Assign a Designated Driver – that way you’ll be able to find the car and he’ll be driving more than just a car, if you know what I mean.
4) When walking home, avoid the dodgy alleys – the drugs there are probably going to be a of dodgy standard as well.
5) Don’t accept drinks from stangers – buy drinks for strangers.
6) Never leave a drink unattended – you bloody well paid for that Jagermeister.
7) If you go into a room and the person locks the door – don’t call your friends, you’re getting lucky.
8) If you get into a fight take it outside – that way people can hear your insults without the music blaring away. Also, high five if you use “You Fokken Prawn!”
9) Eat before you drink – that way you can shout “Cheating is Eating” at others who go for a midnight snack.
10) Choose a Respectable club/bar – the ones that give away free condoms and have cheap drink specials.
Disclaimer: Twindie.net takes no responsibility for any responsible behaviour that is created due to this post.
I hate Hate Speech. You know what, I think Hate Speech is a racist bigot, a bastard, a bloody agent and a mudblood. I fuckin’ hate Hate Speech. Hate Speech should die with all those other loser leftist swear words. Fuck you fuck. Hate Speech is like the Hiroshima bombing. Nobody wants it, but somehow people think it was necessary. Well, Hate Speech, your momma is so fat, if she jumps she gets stuck in the air.
I’ll have to find those people who propagate free speech and tell them to “Shut, the fuck up, you redneck” just so that they can hate Hate Speech. I will protest for days, calling and shouting on megaphones, “FUCK HATE SPEECH” and perhaps if I’m popular I can get a chant going “Only niggers like Hate Speech”. We will get all the money from the Jews, just to walk straight to the court and tell them “HATE SPEECH IS FOR PUSSIES”.
One day, I can tell my kids that I stood up for Hate Speech, that I walked to court and protested to stop Hate Speech. The bloody Boere would be proud.
[Disclaimer: Derogatory terms used in this post are stooped in irony. No offence should be taken]
Ok, so I’ve decided to be all next level and try some experimental blogging. Thus, I’ve decided to try my hand at improv blogging. Be all living on the edge. So I asked on Twitter for someone to give a term of phrase, and then blog about it. So I took De Villiers recommendation on Korean Cuisine.
To be honest I know very little of Korean Cuisine, however I do know that Korean people in Korean restaurants provide cheap beer.
Back in Nam… I mean back in June ’09. I went to Beijing where a little Korean restaurant sold hella cheap quartz of beer. Like R4.50. Ridiculously cheap. Then again, I wonder why it was sold so cheap. Maybe Kim Jong-Il had something to do with this? No-one can be this awesome without having some amounts of alcohol.
But then, again, this is not a post about Korean Alcohol. So what makes Korean Cuisine tick? I’m up for eating a lot of food, but somehow making the best of the situation when confronted with strange food isn’t always so easy. I mean look at these folks.
I can’t wait for Western civilization to adopt shared dish traditions. I mean look at all those tiny bowls. It’s like the perfect way to be cheap and enjoy a night with your friends. Split that stuff. People pay less and you get weird food.
If traditional restaurants are like this in Korea, I wonder how Spur would look like, or even any steakhouse for that matter. Steak, different-cut-kind-of steak, the steak that you wish we served you, the steak we had in the kitchen for a month and all this in different bowls pasted as photoshopped pictures on the outside.
But you know, one day I’ll truly understand Korean cuisine. For now I’m glad they also use chopsticks, ’cause eating with a knife and fork is just so damn hard.
P. S. – If you wanna participate in improv blogging in the future, follow me on Twitter @nieldlr
Now you gotta give it to these geniuses. Earthbound Pet Service. The Atheist pet service that will look after your pets when the Rapture occurs. It’s genius. Yet, somehow the service seems completely legit. They even have a pretty schweet contract set up. Like, they take into account that if the guy loses his faith:
“If subscriber loses his/her faith and/or the Rapture occurs and subscriber is not Raptured (aka is “left behind”) EE-BP disclaims any liability; no refund will be tendered.”
Well done dudes. My first thought was, damn I wish had the entrepreneurial spirit like these guys. It costs $150 per pet. Yeah, like what does that do, I thought? There’s no way that they can sustain a pet for long on $150, but they explain that the atheists are actually adopting the pets, and the cost is just for initial travel costs and a small profit margin. See Atheists can be good honest moral beings too.
I emailed them, asking them how well their service is doing. They have 29 rescuers in 22 states and have just under 200 clients. BRAVO!
This made me wonder, what other exploitable rapture markets are there… then it hit me. What will happen with all the torrents!? No more seeds. I think someone needs to draft a “leave your PC connected indefinitely” treaty, so torrents will survive the rapture… but then I realized, it’s futile, pirates are “criminals”. The post-rapture blog world will be even more interesting. Like a zombie wasteland of scattered blogs. At least Twitter will have less noise I guess. But I reckon #rapture and #secondcoming and #partytime will be trending for quite a while, not to mention #nomorework. Ah, dystopian future how I can’t wait. At least pets will be cared for.
KFC is releasing a new “sandwich”. Just look at that heart-attack wonder of a meal. Bacon with cheese sandwiched between two crispy chicken fillets. Sounds divine. It’s totally revolutionizing the way we clog arteries, I mean… eat. It substitutes the normal boring bread/bun with chicken. Like this would be one of those, “Omg, it tastes like chicken” kinda meals.
I wonder how they came up with this though? Maybe Bob from marketing brought in chicken for lunch, but Mitchell from HR only brought bacon and cheese, and then when Jim from Innovation hurried to the kitchen, ’cause he was really hungry, he grabbed the first things he saw. Needless to say, Bob and Mitchell were pissed, but only till they tasted the KFC BACON SANDWICH.
Would you buy/eat this monstrosity? Do you want an OMNOMNOM delicious meal? I reckon trying it once, would be ok right? Maybe it’s like drugs, if you’re system can’t take it, you OD the first time. Could be potentially lethal.
So I’m quite the language nerd. If I could build muscles with words, I’d be like Arnold with a bigger vocab. No more “I’ll be back” but rather “I’ll momentarily return”. So, the past holiday I saw Avatar in 3D. It totally blew my mind, eyes, imagination and concept of movies straight to Pandora. It was the best movie experience I’ve ever had. Naturally, being a linguaphile, I got intrigued by the native language of Pandora, Na’vi.
Hahahahaha… woah just let me breathe here for a moment… wait… AHAHAHAHA. Hungary decided it is time to be very liberal and hold the first plastic surgeon miscreants beauty pageant. I reckon this is one of the worst ideas ever, don’t you think?
