Also, girls, I think you all missed the “that’s just a dude” memo. Oh wait… I get it now. Nevermind, they did get the memo.
So two of my friends, they’re brothers, are currently in Hong Kong on a summer school. Lucky bastards, but besides that, they joke about a lot of things. Legends. This is their video they made one day while trekking around on an island in Hong Kong. Being ironically zef is the new thing. Post-Zef. Checkit. Is ja.
P.S. – They swept the competition at a beer festival the only way Africans can. Hardcore like that.
Friends, family members and coins flips all stood up to the game, but Paul took this one. You might’ve predicted Spain to win, but you’re not an octopus.
I must say the setup for the final was a classic. Brother Future who predicted Netherlands and Calamari Paul who went for Spain. I must come clear here, I was rooting for the Chinese guy from the future, ’cause I like time travelling. I kept waiting for his score of 2:1 to realize, but never came to being. Perhaps we screwed up the timeline by giving away too much.
Alas, Calamari Paul took this one fair and square, but some skeptics have already claimed some inconsistencies in Paul’s game. Apparently he seems to like yellow and some concerns of horizontal shapes have put Calamari Paul’s predicting abilities under suspicion. Was he just lucky? Or does he follow some silly regime that fooled us all? Did Calamari Paul use his influence within the Psychic Octopus Guild to bribe FIFA into match fixing the games for him? He is after all Calamari Paul.
For now, I’m distraught that Brother Future left me. I believed man. I really believed. My faith in Chinese people from the future has been broken.
Off the field, there is another battle going on. The battle for prediction seer supremacy. In one corner we have Paul the Octopus. He screwed over the Germans in their semi-final, but so far has a good track record. His predictions for the final: Spain to take the cup, and his other hurdle, the 3/4th playoff puts Germany ahead of Uruguay. Good Good. That’s all dandy. Good on you Calamari Paul.
Now in the other corner we have Chinese guy from the future. If you haven’t heard of him. He is big in the Chinese interweb-o-spheres now. He made a forum post on Baidu on June 13, proclaiming how the World Cup will end. He predicted Netherlands will beat Spain in the final 2:1 and that Sneijder will score one of the goals. That’s some precise predicting yo. Gotta give to the brother from the future. He is already on track pretty much. He says further, that after his post he will come back and people will believe him. Go bro!
So who’s side are you on? This epic battle will only have one winner. The octopus already has a track record, but this Chinese guy predicted the end on June 13. Calamari Paul or Brother Future? Time will tell.
I know, that you people know, that the more indie your cred the better. It’s simple: the less people listen to it, the more obscure, the more weird, the more “bloody what the hell is noise” music you can get – the better.
I present to you your new genre of tunes, that is so out there it is called Outsider Music. Shyeah. I kid you not.
Bring these tunes with to your next indie friend cred circlejerk and blow people’s minds. I quote Wikipedia: “Outsider music are songs and compositions by musicians who are not part of the commercial music industry who write songs that ignore standard musical or lyrical conventions, either because they have no formal training or because they disagree with formal rules.”
Go find your new indie stardom pedestal now. Here are some examples of Outsider Music.
Woo dissonance! And nonsensical rambling and out of tune rhythms. It is so next level indie. Now, you see I’m still figuring out if these people are intentionally just shitty at making music, or they are intentionally super conceptual? One day My Pal Foot Foot will help. However, for now, they’re so non-commercial, it will be a surefire hit among your conceptual indie friends.
So, like recently I was on holiday and it was the business. No, I didn’t do business, it was just… you know what, never mind. I went to wonderful tropical island of Ibiza where me and my brothers played board games and ate ice cream on the promenade.
Alas, blogging on Twindie.net will shortly resume when the inspiration comes back. I have however momentarily stolen Twindie.net’s Internet Category and moved them over a new home. Social Smocial. Like to be more niche and like. We vote for #TeamPete just as an FYI.
At Social Smocial I write a lot more features on my favourite past time, the web and social media. But I assure you they are just as funny and perhaps a bit more insightful. Simon joins me there too. He said he will write humourous interviews with startups. Let’s hope he gets there. Anyhoo, for now I hope you find Social Smocial just as welcoming, like c’mon how awesome is it to find sites that you can leech off other people? Pretty spiffin’.
IFOs short for Identified Flying Objects have been kept secret by the government for years. Since the first Wright Brothers flight, this underground movement starting picking up. Just under a decade later reports starting filing in of IFOs across the globe. Especially during the World Wars.
A war veteran says, “I knew what I saw. It was this gosh darned The Friedrichshafen G.III”. He reportedly reported it to the government, but they shrugged it off. “It’s a conspiracy I tell you. The government knows about these IFOs, but no-one wants to tell us why they keep it secret”.
An anonymous person contacted me when I started doing my investigation. He (I know it is a man, ’cause there was a mix of beer and beef jerky smell to the paper) claims that he once phoned the government reporting an IFO, and they replied with “Oh yeah, that’s just the local airshow”. The anonymous person knew something was up, and started probing for more, the government responded with a shocking revelation, “Well, it is the annual local airshow. There are bi-planes and gyrocopters and anything really. You should go”.
The man was taken aback by the hospitality, he took the chance to get into the IFO conspiracy and asked how much it cost, the government municipal worker replied, “Oh, I don’t know… Sorry,” and hung up the phone. This is telling evidence that they are trying cover up the IFO conspiracy.
A man called Vincent Con tells a story of how he, as a young boy, saw big IFOs flying above his town. “They were huge, I tell you, with blinking lights and everything”. A few years later he went to the local international airport to spy on the IFOs. He explains, “It was terrifying, there were people everywhere, but every time I started to really get a glimpse of the big IFOs, they flew off. The government must’ve known I was there, so I decided to leave promptly”.
IFOs remain a very obscure topic, even among hardcore conspiracy theorists. IFOs are a fact, and people should become aware of it. I hope I did my duty.
1) Stay away from dodgy places that might spike your drinks – rather bring your own roofies. You don’t know where those roofies have been. It’s disgusting really. At your parent’s home, would accept roofies from a stranger? No!
2) Don’t go alone, rather go in groups – This way you have plenty of wingpersons to help you out if the going gets tough.
3) Assign a Designated Driver – that way you’ll be able to find the car and he’ll be driving more than just a car, if you know what I mean.
4) When walking home, avoid the dodgy alleys – the drugs there are probably going to be a of dodgy standard as well.
5) Don’t accept drinks from stangers – buy drinks for strangers.
6) Never leave a drink unattended – you bloody well paid for that Jagermeister.
7) If you go into a room and the person locks the door – don’t call your friends, you’re getting lucky.
8) If you get into a fight take it outside – that way people can hear your insults without the music blaring away. Also, high five if you use “You Fokken Prawn!”
9) Eat before you drink – that way you can shout “Cheating is Eating” at others who go for a midnight snack.
10) Choose a Respectable club/bar – the ones that give away free condoms and have cheap drink specials.
Disclaimer: Twindie.net takes no responsibility for any responsible behaviour that is created due to this post.
So, by now everyone knows the catastrophe that is the BP oil spill. They’ve tried many things and even named solutions James Bondesquely “Top Kill”, but it still failed. Millions of oil is going to waste and the environment is all going downhill. This slippery situation can be solved in three easy ways.
1) Wait for a Time Machine
This is the lazy way out. Rather investing money in trying to stop it now, invest it in time travel R&D. If every goes well, then we might have a time travel machine much sooner than expected. Go back in time and stop the failure. Success! AND we now have time machines. Win-win situation.
2) Make it a Free-for-All all you can scoop oil buffet
I’m sure there are mechanics and other oil companies crying themselves to sleep at night, because of this oil spill. I say, BP should let anyone be able to go and harvest their own oil out of the sea. Yeah, it might get a bit messy, but it is for the greater good.
3) Operation Plumbing
This is probably a no-brainer, but other oil companies should just start pumping more oil… and quick in fact. Especially those on the other side of the globe. This will equalize the oil quantity in the world, putting less pressure on BP’s vein. This might be a potential loss for BP, but I’m sure they have some Chinese derricks that just have to pump harder.
Honourable Mention: GM Animals
This plan was scrapped for ethical reasons, but BP should also invest money in genetically modifying fish that can digest oil.
