So, by now everyone knows the catastrophe that is the BP oil spill. They’ve tried many things and even named solutions James Bondesquely “Top Kill”, but it still failed. Millions of oil is going to waste and the environment is all going downhill. This slippery situation can be solved in three easy ways.
1) Wait for a Time Machine
This is the lazy way out. Rather investing money in trying to stop it now, invest it in time travel R&D. If every goes well, then we might have a time travel machine much sooner than expected. Go back in time and stop the failure. Success! AND we now have time machines. Win-win situation.
2) Make it a Free-for-All all you can scoop oil buffet
I’m sure there are mechanics and other oil companies crying themselves to sleep at night, because of this oil spill. I say, BP should let anyone be able to go and harvest their own oil out of the sea. Yeah, it might get a bit messy, but it is for the greater good.
3) Operation Plumbing
This is probably a no-brainer, but other oil companies should just start pumping more oil… and quick in fact. Especially those on the other side of the globe. This will equalize the oil quantity in the world, putting less pressure on BP’s vein. This might be a potential loss for BP, but I’m sure they have some Chinese derricks that just have to pump harder.
Honourable Mention: GM Animals
This plan was scrapped for ethical reasons, but BP should also invest money in genetically modifying fish that can digest oil.