So, by now everyone knows the catastrophe that is the BP oil spill. They’ve tried many things and  even named solutions James Bondesquely “Top Kill”, but it still failed. Millions of oil is going to waste and the environment is all going downhill. This slippery situation can be solved in three easy ways.

1) Wait for a Time Machine

This is the lazy way out. Rather investing money in trying to stop it now, invest it in time travel R&D. If every goes well, then we might have a time travel machine much sooner than expected. Go back in time and stop the failure. Success! AND we now have time machines. Win-win situation.

2) Make it a Free-for-All all you can scoop oil buffet

I’m sure there are mechanics and other oil companies crying themselves to sleep at night, because of this oil spill. I say, BP should let anyone be able to go and harvest their own oil out of the sea. Yeah, it might get a bit messy, but it is for the greater good.

3) Operation Plumbing

This is probably a no-brainer, but other oil companies should just start pumping more oil… and quick in fact. Especially those on the other side of the globe. This will equalize the oil quantity in the world, putting less pressure on BP’s vein. This might be a potential loss for BP, but I’m sure they have some Chinese derricks that just have to pump harder.

Honourable Mention: GM Animals

This plan was scrapped for ethical reasons, but BP should also invest money in genetically modifying fish that can digest oil.

Tags: bp, bp fail, disaster, massive amounts of oil, oil spill, sea
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This kid is the business. Every two year old in some country is envying this little blighter. They wish their parents were as callous… I mean cool, about his smoking habits. Like he smokes two packs a day. Little dude is a puffing machine. And he has already developed brand loyalty, smoking only a preferred brand.

He is probably getting some mad hugs from chicks his age, making all the other toddlers jealous. The dudes his age, probably either have to start smoking to fit in, but their parents will stop them, but they’ll probably rebel and listen to some Led Zep. Perhaps break some toys.

This smoking kid is cool beyond his years. Peer pressure ain’t got nothing on him. He MAKES peer pressure. A leader and a visionary. Live fast, die young. Chick dig the badass vibe. This kid has got life already figured out, that’s probably why the parents don’t worry.

I don’t even want to start talking about the older toddlers, whom are probably just starting school. They will feel so weak and conservative. This smoking kid will have a job by 4, mid-life crisis by 7 and be in the grave by 10.

(via @chrisdevilliers)

Tags: peer pressure, smoking, smoking two year old, young smoker
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These three videos are guaranteed to make you laugh until you cry.

1) Laddergoat

2) Dad at Comedy Barn

3) Skype Laughter Chain

Hope your stomach muscles survived this.

(via Reddit)

Tags: comedy, dad at comedy barn, funniest videos ever, hilarious, hilarity, laddergoat, laughter, skype laughter chain
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This is why I love the Internet.

Tags: beatbox dog, mashup, trolololololo
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After seeing Pacman grace the frontpage of Google I remembered some classics reinterpretations of Tetris on the web. Have fun wasting a few hours!

1) Zero Gravity Tetris

Inspired by the XKCD cartoon, this Zero Gravity Tetris is nigh impossible. I got so close to scoring points though. Apparently you can score points. Good luck with that though. You might punch your screen before then.

2) First-Person Tetris

This version of Tetris puts you into the zone of the pieces themself, when you twist them, you twist along with it. Gets hella confusing later on. Warning don’t plus drunk or if you’re prone to motion sickness, it will not go down well.

3) Tetoris

Holy sweet moley of big things, this is big. I’ve yet to have the patience to get one line in this monster of a Tetris game. Go on. Try it. Yeah yeah, you think you can do it. Try it. Once you screw one small piece, the rest is history. Next thing you know things you’re just dropping tiles everywhere making the weirdest unintentional pixel art.

Tags: first person tetris, gigantic tetris, hell tetris, massive tetris, tetoris, tetris, tetris online, xkcd, zero gravity tetris
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London, a multi-cultural haven, has imported two aliens to become their mascots for the 2012 olympics. They seem to be from some gangsta galaxy, or have studied too much music videos trying to fit in. However, there were some concerns about Twitter users, even Simon expressed his concern on Twitter.

Are they really aliens or are those costumes really so good? Hypothetically speaking if they were aliens, then their skins are really well created, as if they evolved to one day fool humans. Wenlock and Mandeville, are also odd choices for names. Yeah, yeah, silly back story about girders and dropping metal, but really Wenlock and Mandeville? I vote we change the names to ET and Invader Zim. At least they are somewhat more relateable than droplets of metal.

And what’s with those eyes. Are we supposed to be happy with that? The aliens should’ve realised we are not cycloptic beings. Time will tell, if this impending alien import will go down well, for now, I’m highly skeptical of their origin and purpose. Just don’t bring your kids close. Nightmares will be had.

(via MFM926)

Tags: 2012, london, mandeville, mascots, olympic, stupid mascots, wenlock
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So, I’m going a lot to Aandklas lately and seeing lots of awesome bands, such as Cyberpunkers, the two dirty electro Italian DJ’s, and Machineri, the oozing rock ‘n roll, and of course Haezer

Tags: aandklas, cyberpunkers, haezer, machineri
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So, me and my friends had a discussion the other day and I’m trying to get as many opinions on this as possible. So, we were trying to figure out what music/band defined the Naughties? Like 60′s were The Beatles, 70′s had Led Zeppelin and The Rolling Stones, 80′s were all about punk and Depeche Mode and 90′s saw the rise of the legendary Nirvana. Ok now, we’re just past the Naughties, but I’m having such a problem trying to figure out what band/artists defined our generation globally.

Mentions were Eminem, Linkin Park, Radiohead and even Muse, but somehow they just aren’t on the caliber as the previous generational bands. If you look at the list of Number one hits in America the Naughties it is completely at a loss of bands. More and more solo artists took the stage.

The only bands that make appearances are Nickelback, Maroon, Crazy Town, Plain White T’s and Coldplay among a very few others. Of course Number hits aren’t an indication of a generational band, but it just gives an indication of the general trend. I mean 2005 must’ve been the most boring year ever. Only 9 tunes. And three of them are from Mariah Carey.

I guess when one look at instant fame shows, ala Idols, thing got focused on instant solo celebrities and collab between musicians in a band aspect grew unpopular. Somehow, I’m not sure that I’m happy that I have the internet to listen to any music I want, but also feel kinda lost without this “epic” generational band. Ok, South Africa had that with Fokofpolisiekar, but I’m talking more globally.

So, I have two questions: What band/group/artist defined your Naughties? Mine personally was probably In Flames. I listened to them throughout the Naughties and still do. Of course there are a lot of other gems, but nothing quite stood with me quite like In Flames. A close second would be Arcade Fire, Gorillaz and any chiptunes, but this was more late Naughties.

Second question, what band/group/artists in the Naughties can be defined as our generation’s biggest musician, comparable to Nirvana? Is it even possible?

Please join in!

Tags: mariah carey, naughties music, Nirvana, Number one hits, The Beatles
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If you’ve seen the movie 2012, you will know about Earth Crust Displacement. The devastating event that shifts continents left right and center due to some poles or something. How do magnets work? No-ones knows, but they’re definitely cataclysmic. The news on TV has just confirmed this. South Africa is now placed at South America. However, confused comments are popping up saying that some are still stuck in Africa.

I’m feeling nothing so far. My laptop is still is fine. I’m typing with speed to get the news out there. I spilled a glass of juice earlier today, was that a result of 2012? People need to calm down. I called a leading scientist and he explained after a using a fruit metaphor he claims that this is what Earth will look like within 48 hours.

Getting your families close. This is a dire time. But most of all, now is the time to cheat on Foursquare.

(via @FourFourTwo)

Tags: 2012, earth crust displacemnt, foursquare cheating, fruit end metaphor, south africa 2010, world cup
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I hate Hate Speech. You know what, I think Hate Speech is a racist bigot, a bastard, a bloody agent and a mudblood. I fuckin’ hate Hate Speech. Hate Speech should die with all those other loser leftist swear words. Fuck you fuck. Hate Speech is like the Hiroshima bombing. Nobody wants it, but somehow people think it was necessary. Well, Hate Speech, your momma is so fat, if she jumps she gets stuck in the air.

I’ll have to find those people who propagate free speech and tell them to “Shut, the fuck up, you redneck” just so that they can hate Hate Speech. I will protest for days, calling and shouting on megaphones, “FUCK HATE SPEECH” and perhaps if I’m popular I can get a chant going “Only niggers like Hate Speech”. We will get all the money from the Jews, just to walk straight to the court and tell them “HATE SPEECH IS FOR PUSSIES”.

One day, I can tell my kids that I stood up for Hate Speech, that I walked to court and protested to stop Hate Speech. The bloody Boere would be proud.

[Disclaimer: Derogatory terms used in this post are stooped in irony. No offence should be taken]

Tags: bigot, bloody agent, hate speech, irony, racist
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