Are you ready? No, I can’t hear you? ARRRRRRRRRe you ready? Schweet. Now brace yourself for the bravest most monumental Internet task ever undertaken by a man. The man is called Wogan. Twindie.net got an exclusive interview and asked very serious questions about the best site around: FlickMyFaceYouTwit.com

1) How did FlickMyFaceYouTwit come into existence? Was it a college project or did you steal the idea from your room-mate?

It was divine intervention, you know. One day, sitting there with Seesmic Desktop open, sifting through hundreds of notices to try and find just one that wasn’t inane, arcane, useless, personal or like the other hundred I had just scrolled past, it hit me: what people want, is noise. From that point on, it all just fell into place.

2) Who’s on your team? You seem to be very secretive about this? Some have rumoured that Steve Jobs, Sergey Brin and Patrick Swayze all work as interns at the FMFYT HQ.

Sadly, as much as I’d love to have all those brains hacking away at FMFYT, they’ve got real lives and families to run, and I couldn’t sell a single one on the idea of plugging their nervous systems directly into my Ubuntu PC (It really is that powerful. “apt-get matrix-neural-interface agent-smith neo” and see for yourself).

No, as it is, I’m using a distributed botnet to spy on people and feed back information to a basement of the Google Cloud project. Based on that and a slightly modified algorithm (mostly borrowed from MIT and Wolfram Alpha), FMFYT is actually able to predict future annoyances before they occur, and optimise itself beforehand. You could say the site keeps itself maintained. (That, of course, being one of the cooler undocumented features Google’s released)

3) How long did it take you to develop FMFYT, from conception to birth?

It took me about four years, and nearly $750m in round 1 VC funding. The partners have elected not to be named, though – they all feel (as I do), that we’ll be hitting it bigger than Facebook and QQ combined in the next few years, and they have bragging right scores to settle with Sequoia and the like.

Most of the time was spent reminding the machine not to weight importance based on Youtube video views. The damn thing would keep singing “Forever” while trying to render an invisible lightsaber. Really annoying.

4) What are FlickMyFaceYouTwit’s most innovative features? We all know the real-time streamstream (for those web 1.0 people out there, it is FMFYT’s feature where it streams the activities of your garden water stream in real-time) is by far the most exciting, but what would you reckon sets FMFYT apart from other social networks?

FMFYT excels at one thing: Endlessly annoying your friends with the same messages over and over again, over multiple channels, staggered out just enough so that, as something trends on Twitter, all you see are videos and blog posts and Facebook friend requests related to it, for the rest of the week.

What sets us apart from the mainstream networks, though, is that we don’t dress it up, with “Status Updates” and “Friendship Requests”, and “Privacy Settings” and the like. No, we’ve figured it out. People want to be annoyed and to annoy in return, and we cut right through the mess to provide that experience in a hassle-free environment.

So among our most innovative features, I’d say, is the ability to randomly generate messages, photos and videos by using an advanced mashup feature that reads the content of you, your friends and totally random strangers, remixes it slightly, automatically uploads it to the relevant services, and endlessly promotes it through every social channel you own.

Or, alternately, the mobile integration that detects other mobiles near to you and randomly adds friend requests for them and all their phonebook contacts. It’s the most effortless way to build a massive online friendship circle. That one’s my personal favorite.

5) FMFYT’s API seems to be extremely robust, some even likening it to a World’s Strongest Man Champion on steriods while running the London Marathon. The API can even interface with a shoe! Are you considering interfacing with other objects in the near-future? Or even making it more robust? Is that even possible!?

We’ve been talking to NASA about the possibility of running the next Mars mission from our API (you know, crowdsourced astromechanical computation, navigation, that sort of thing) – either that, or as a chaos generator for Google’s AI undertaking. Truth be told, though, after we added the method calls for integrating satellite-based car steering and instant multi-platform social feedback every time you hit the gas (or turned a corner), we figured we had it made.

6) Time Magazine has leaked some info putting you in the running for Time Magazine’s Man of the Year 2009. How do you feel about this? Is this related to FlickMyFaceYouTwit you reckon?

I couldn’t tell, really. The trending topics on that day were mostly about fun140.com quizzes and the Iran elections. I vaguely remember something about Elvis, but that’s probably unrelated.

7) Since the rise of FMFYT to stardom, you’ve been seen rubbing shoulder with some high class internet celebs: Star Wars Kid, Chocolate Rain singer, Rick Astley, Numa Numa guy etc. How are you handling this newfound celeb status?

Well, I do like Bill Gates does, really. Stick a paper bag over my head, hum Never Gonna Give You Up to myself and pretend the world doesn’t exist. It helps – you’d be surprised.

Was it Bill Gates, though, who started that? I can’t really remember. My short-term memory’s suffered greatly thanks to FMFYT development…

8) What’s in store for the future of FlickMyFaceYouTwit?

To be honest, I’m not sure. I was very taken aback at how popular it became, and how quickly it got there. I was considering doing the Microsoft thing – you know, Versions – but then I realised that FMFYT is more than just another line to make noise on. No, it represents the culmination of social networking in the 21st century.

I’ll probably apply for Heritage status on the site, maybe get it transferred to a museum. And if there isn’t one for overrated social networks, we sure need one – I can think of several that would be star attractions.

9) If you could predict the next 5 years of the Internet, what would be the most defining factor?

The most defining factor? I honestly can’t see it through all the noise. That, and the Dark Side clouds everything.

10) Carmen Electra or Pamela Anderson?

Billy Mays, because he could sell them both, and throw in Miley Cyrus for the low low price of only $4.99 extra. Man’s a legend.

11) Any last tips for FMFYT users

Screw moderation. Quality is so 2008. If it moves, flickr it, myspace it, facebook it, youtube it and twitter it. All from one easy-to-use interface. The future of social noiseworking.

Thanks Wogan!

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1. Gaming Anarchy
2. If you’re in town, TweetMeUp
3. Time Spent Over Yonder

Tags: Facebook, FlickMyFaceYouTwit, Flickr, Myspace, Social networking, Twitter, Wogan, Youtube
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